So, a couple of evenings back, after finishing work, I'm standing in line for dinner in the cafeteria. Lazagna, green beans, and various other things.
Let's face it, school cafeteris food, even the school cafeteria food which is served to the staff, is still school cafeteria food. That is no slam on those who fix it, it is simply how things are.
So, I'm standing in line, waiting, and wondering, what could be done, to make this food more appetizing, or at least make us more willing to settle for it.
And I though...
We need ninjas.
Imagine this--your standing in line, like I was, or you've just filled one section of your tray with lazagna and carrot salad, or even you've sat down and are settling in to eat your dinner.
People dressed in black jump through doors and windows and come through the ceiling, screaming and yelling and waving their arms around and striking dramatic martial arts types of poses.
Suddenly, the mundane becomes the extraordinary. The tray that once held your lasagna becomes the tray with which you now smash the face of the nearest assailant. The rock-hard cornbread muffin becomes a projectile. The sloppy joe (which actually is pretty good) can be thrown in the eyes. Forks, spoons, knifes, even the banana pudding, all take on aspects that they did not have before.
It wouldn't need to be long. Not even five minutes. The ninjas come, get beat up, and leave, but look at the difference.
Now, people are happy. Teachers who had been complaining about unprepared and stubborn students now feel much better, because they've just dumped a bowl full of soup beans on a ninja's head, followed directly by a person sitting at the next table spilling some chocolate pudding on the floor, causing the ninja to slip, and causing the two-year old in the high chair to barf on his nunchuks.
See, everyone (except maybe the two-year-old) is now feeling good--congratulating each other, talking about good blows they gave out, recounting former encounters, even talking about the more mundane things.
And, of course, the exercise sharpens everyone's appetite, so the food now tastes better.
So, I think the school needs to hire ninjas. They could do other things during the day (we wouldn't know who they are, of course, because being ninjas they wouldn't show their faces, or maybe take off their glasses when in ninja-mode), so that they could more easily fit in and be more productive.
And, of course, they must be paid more then anyone else. That way, when they do get thwacked by a food tray, we could at least console ourselves in knowing that they are being well-paid for it.
Also, it would be a staff-only thing. No students are allowed to thwack the ninjas, only faculty and staff. After all, the students are partially at fault for us needing them, anyway.